Settle Your Sources

In Which the Hartley Household visits Kolkata and relates Tales to Amaze and Astound the Easily Amused

Name:
Location: Mount Holyoke College

Twitter: @JHeartsEcon

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Off We Go (Again) [Jim]

Having just returned from Orissa a week ago, we figured it was about time that we set off again on some more Travels. Tomorrow morning we leave for Sri Lanka--we will be there until January 6.

We are going down for the wedding of one of my former students (Lahari); I am scheduled to give the sermon during the ceremony. We were invited to three weddings while we were here, and unfortunately we weren’t able to make it to the other two--another former student (Farial) was married in Bangladesh the same day we arrived in India, and we were recently invited to the wedding of another person we knew from our last visit here, but he is getting married the weekend right after we leave. But, at least we can make it to one wedding.

After the wedding, we are planning to go down to one of the beaches in the southwest of Sri Lanka for a genuine vacation--I am really looking forward to vacation.

Christmas was fun. On Christmas Eve, we had a huge lobster dinner--our fish guy at the fish market sold us some fantastic lobsters (Indian style--they are slightly different than their American brethren (lobsteren?)). Christmas morning we went to church, then came home for presents. Our neighbors came over for lunch. For dinner we went out to a local restaurant for a turkey dinner--real turkey with real gravy--it was stunningly good and not a hint of curry!

The church service was amazing. This is the same church we go to every Sunday--average attendance a Sunday morning is around 50-75; the cathedral seats about 500. They had a Christmas Eve service starting at 11:00 pm which we did not attend, but they mentioned in the Christmas morning service that there were about 2000 people at the evening service. When it came to communion, the line stretched far out of the building. One person said they left at 1:00 am and the line was still terribly long (communion starts about an hour into the service). Christmas morning was not so busy, but there were still around 750 people there. The service was great.

Our trip to Orissa was fun--as Lily noted n her post, the rest of the family had a great vacation--I was lecturing for the first half of our time there. Much the same as the other lecture trips--it was interesting. The hotel we were at was amazingly nice. After I was done lecturing, we went over to Puri for a few days of quiet relaxation. We returned from Puri on Wednesday morning at around 5 am, and then I had to go give a lecture at the Institute here later that day. We set up our tree--a genuine fake Christmas tree--that night. Three days of shopping later, we were all set for Christmas.

Alas, once again the this blog post is short--we leave at 3:30 am tomorrow morning, so I suppose I should go get some sleep. I do hope everyone had a very merry Christmas--and Happy New Year to one and all.

Merry Christmas

[As many Readers know, it is a Christmas Tradition for Your Humble Narrator to Compose a prototypical Christmas Form Letter for the purpose of Enclosure in a Festive Christmas Card sent to Assorted Individuals. This Season such Festive Cards were Not sent for (presumably) Obvious Reasons. The Long Suffering Wife of Your Humble Narrator did request a Form Letter be Composed nonetheless, which was to be e-mailed to One and All. Your Humble Narrator Obliged the Long Suffering Wife--not an easy task since the Hartley Household was Traveling during the Middle of the Month. But, nonetheless a Letter was composed on December 23. Sadly, The Long Suffering Wife read said Letter and Pronounced it "a Sub-par Effort" and exhorted Your Humble Narrator to Work Harder at the Task. As Christmas Eve was upon Your Humble Narrator a Scant few hours later, said Renewed Efforts did not Occur. Your Humble Narrator is Filled With Shame. It is of Note, however, that Precisely zero Persons wrote the Hartley Household inquiring about the Absence of the Annual Christmas Letter, which, Truth Be Told, comes as no surprise to Your Humble Narrator.

But wait, There is More.

The original, Manifestly Inferior Product is Reproduced Below for the Reading Pleasure of Your Humble Narrator.]


Pity Your Humble Narrator. [Insert collective sigh: “Poor, poor Humble Narrator.”] Once again, the Yuletide Season has approached Your Humble Narrator, whispering in kind admonitions that the Time Has Come in Which Your Humble Narrator generally composes a tremendously verbose letter which despite its extensive use of multisyllabic words and subclauses within subclauses never quite seems to alter the sad fact that for yet another year there were no events worthy of being related to the Patient Readers who toil year after year to decipher the prose only to discover that it was, in fact, not worth the bother to have done so. The fact that the Patient Readers continue to parse the aforementioned sentences at all is surely an example of the Triumph of Hope (ever present at this most Blessed Time of Year) over Experience (which, truth be told, is a thing of which seventeen of the aforementioned Patient Readers have had an extraordinarily large amount), leaving Your Humble Narrator in the most wretched state of having an insoluble quandary: when the Patient Reader who once again wades into the Slough of Despond after realizing that the efforts to read said Letter were not, after all, worthy of the Time Spent, is it the fault of Your Humble Narrator, who continues to mask a lack of Thought and Anecdote with an (admittedly quite) impressive array of commas, or the Patient Reader, who after all should know better by this point? Sadly, the answer is plain: Mea Maxima Culpa.

But as was mentioned at the outside of the previous paragraph (and Your Humble Narrator hastens to add that he is not unaware that there was no cause for a paragraph break at this point since the Matter (such as it is) under discussion has not changed one whit, but Your Humble Narrator opted for Aesthetic appeal (having paragraph breaks makes this letter appear to be letter-like for those Impatient Readers for whom Experience Triumphed over Hope) rather than Grammatical Niceties (which Your Humble Narrator hastens to add is not a Thing to be Lightly subordinated even to such important matters as Aesthetic appeal and thus the present usurpation of the latter should be interpreted solely as a matter arising from Pressing Need rather than a Denigration of Grammar)—but Your Humble Narrator Digresses, and so, to begin anew: As was mentioned at the outset of the Previous paragraph: Pity Your Humble Narrator. While in Normal Years, Your Humble Narrator is tasked by the Christmas Sprit to Compose a Letter on the aforementioned lines, this year Your Humble Narrator labors (or as they misspell it in these parts of the world, labours) under the added burden that the Exploits of the Hartley Household have been semi-regularly posted for the last five months on a web site of no particular renown (hartleykolkata.blogspot.com for the insatiably curious) and thus any Persons (or, One supposes Non-persons) who have had any Occasion to Wonder what was Occupying the Time of Said Household have had the ability (due to the marvels of Modern Technology) to Instantly Satisfy Said Curiosity and Discover that the Hartley Household is Still Not Doing Anything Particularly Worthy of Notice. [Many Readers will Object that Surely Spending Six Months in India is Worthy of Notice, but Your Humble Narrator is Aware that the Uttering of Such Protestations is Mandated By Social Mores: After all, there are over a Billion people Currently Residing in India, and if the Patient Readers were Truly Concerned with Life In India, then they would Surely be also Daily Perusing the Blogs of the other 999,999,995+ people who are sharing this Spot of the Globe With the Hartley Household. QED.] And thus, Not only Must Your Humble Narrator Compose a Letter Without Substance of Interest to the Reader, but Must do so with the foreknowledge that an Attempt to Lull the Reader into a False Sense that Perhaps this Year’s Letter will have substance is Doomed to Failure.

Tradition Mandates that This Paragraph in the Annual Christmas Letter announces the New Arrivals in the Hartley Household. Sigh. Readers are already aware that there are no new arrivals. Your Humble Narrator Mourns at the Loss of this Ever-Popular paragraph.

The Offspring Report will be presented in its Entirety However.

Beginning for obvious Reason with Lily (who has reached the odd age of 11), Your Humble Narrator is pleased to note that this particular offspring has not ceased to Amaze one and all with her virtuoso command of the English Language. Styling herself Your Humble Narrator, Jr. (a clear case of trademark infringement, but one which Your Humble Narrator has decided to delay prosecuting until once again residing in the Land of Large Scale Legal Damages for the pain and suffering caused by such Egregious infringements on Trademark), Lily has continued to astound Readers of the aforementioned blog with her ability to speak endlessly and say very little. Sadly, she still has some substance in her blog posts, but Your Humble Narrator is Confident that with Proper training her Word to Content Ratio can be increased. Lily’s ability to speak endlessly without saying much does not amaze anyone who resides with her, but said fellow residents are pleased to know that the Rest of the World can now understand what it must be Like to Live With Such a Person. Lily was Not asked if she had a Christmas message for one and all due to limitations of space.

Clara (whose age is a similarly odd 7) is maturing into the cutest and most brilliant second-grader since Lily was that age. Clara is a princess trapped in an American body, and since America has no Royalty, is likely to be forever trapped. Capturing the Charming Nature of the Antics of Young Clara is about as difficult as giving a hippo a bath in mayonnaise, and both the latter and the former are sadly (in the cast of the former) beyond the capabilities of Your Humble Narrator. When asked what she would like to relate to You, she replied, “Daddy! I don’t know. Stop bothering me with your pathetic attempts to improve your so-called letter with cute anecdotes about me. I am getting far too old for Nonsense of this sort.”

Emma (who has reached the odd age of 13)…hmm, for thirteen years Your Humble Narrator has been attempting to make it seem that Emma has somehow exhibited a behavior which is different from that which was exhibited in the previous year. After 11 failed attempts, Your Humble Narrator acknowledges defeat. Emma is the same this year as she was last year and the year before that and the year before that and the year before that and, well, You (being the Bright Discerning Type) get the Idea. Were Emma asked if she had a message for this letter, she would have simply grunted, and as Your Humble Narrator has heard said Grunts on Many Occasions, the Pleasure of Hearing Dear Emma emit Animal-Like noises was foregone in order to speed our Passage to the next paragraph, which is always Your Humble Narrator’s Favorite Paragraph to Compose.

The Long Suffering Wife of Your Humble Narrator has, as always, done an unbelievably good job molding the character of the Offspring, prohibiting Your Humble Narrator for committing too many egregious faux pas, turning a furnished flat in the Distant Land of India into a Real Home for the Hartleys, and maintaining her Sanity throughout. The Long Suffering Wife is truly a marvel and a model of Personhood.

And on that note, we, the Hartley Household, would like to bid you, The Reader, a Very Merry Christmas.

Friday, December 22, 2006

How to Travel in India [Lily]

We are now back from our vacation in Orissa, where we had lots and lots of fun. We took a train there that had beds on it. It started at 10:00 PM, so that explained the beds. I’d never been on a train before that. It was boringer than I’d thought it’d be..

Our first stop was in Bubheneshwar. (Which is, by the way, pronounced Boo-Ben-ish-war.) (“Ish” is said “ish” as in fish.) (And “war” is not said like “war” as in “battle;” it is “war” as in “a word I don’t think has a meaning, but rhymes with “far.”) Anyway; our first stop was in Bubheneshwar, (see previous three sentences for pronunciation) where we stayed at a five star hotel called the Mayfair. There was a huge breakfast buffet that came free with your room, as well as two main restaurants—Indian and Chinese—and two snack places; one of them including cheese dosas on the menu that scored high on the Heavenliness Scale. There was also room service, which was good, because the only place my parents let us get room service is at Indian hotels. It also had wonderful landscaping; with lots of gardens and a lagoon, which you can paddle around on, on these paddle boat things. There were many statues around the hotel and gardens, some of which Clara named (names such as Mr. Piggy—who was her favorite statue, and who we have a picture of Clara hugging--; Shorty Guy; Bob the Soldier; Horse the Bird; Fatso the Baker; Bread Man the Baker; Poko—another of Clara’s favorites, who is a gold giraffe--;and Mrs. Giraffe, Poko’s mother.) and said hello to every time we passed them. The hotel had a big pool we always swam in that was ice cold all the time with. (the pool had mermaid statues; you may be aware that Clara adores Mermaids, but she stubbornly refused to be in a picture with them because—says Clara-- “They had two tails and real mermaids only have one tail. They were not mermaids. They were meanies who thought they were mermaids, but they weren’t.” This was a real quote.) The only sightseeing we did there was a trip to the zoo, where we saw white Bengal tigers, monkeys, alligators, parrots, hippos, and lots of other animals. There were wild monkeys all over the zoo—climbing up trees, sitting on benches, scampering around on the paths, etc.

Our next destination was Puri, a town by the beach. The hotel we stayed at there was one we’d stayed at five years ago on our last trip here. It was called Hans Coco Palms. We went down to the beach a lot (six days before Christmas, I made a sandcastle) and there were giant sea slugs that squirted purple goo at Emma because she poked them too much. There was a pool at this hotel, too, and a nice patio area where we ate at a few mealtimes. We took a trip to Lake Chilka, where we saw real live freshwater dolphins and had freshly caught crab and giant prawns for lunch. My mother and I took a bicycle rickshaw to a shopping area, and apparently my mother paid a good price for the trip because the driver waited outside the shop we went to so he could take us back, too. There were lizards running around outside the hotel in the gardens that were really scary and spiky and ugly, though, oddly, Emma thought they were cute.

We took a train back, too, and it was equally boring to the first one. Actually, no; it was more boring, because it started earlier than the first, so it was a longer time before we fell asleep. Oh, and by the way, never take an Indian train; take an Indian plane. They’re cleaner.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Actually, I got 'em all cut [Jim]

Alas, the last fortnight has ill afforded opportunities for extensive ruminations on the Activities, or lack thereof, of the Hartley Household. And, alas again, now is not the time for all good bloggers to come to the aid of the readers for reasons which will be mentioned shortly. However, Time does afford the composition of the Short Version of the Blog Entry That Might Have Been.

1. I received a hair cut a couple of weeks ago. The barber spoke no English. My hair emerged the shortest it has ever been since I first started growing hair. In the words of Lily: “Dad! You look terrible!” Other family members agreed. It is growing. Well, what is left is growing.

2. I was at a roundtable discussion with a dozen people and the US Ambassador to India to discuss Indo-American cooperation in education. I received a very nice form letter from the Ambassador after the event.

3. The school at which I am teaching had a graduation ceremony last week. The primary speaker was the President of India. The President of India’s role in India is much like that of Prince Charles in England. India apparently still has a fascination with English governmental forms. Interesting guy, the President of India. If you have never seen a picture of him, it is well worth the Google search--strangest haircut on a Chief of State you will ever see.

4. The Christmas Play at our church was last night. Clara was the Talking Bell; Lily was the wife of the Inn Keeper and Wise Man Number 2 (Incense); Emma sang in the chorus.They were, obviously, great.

5. On Friday, I went to the library at the American center to return some books. On my way out I ran into one of the Public Affairs people who asked if I was going to the program. I had no idea what program he meant. There was a panel discussion that night on “Separation of Powers.” So, I went back inside to hear what they had to say. Five minutes before it started, someone walked over to me to say that one of the speakers couldn’t make it and so they wondered if I would be willing to give a talk on the subject. Shortlythereafter, I gave a ten minute lecture on US Constitutional Law. I think I even sounded like I knew what I was talking about.

6. Tonight we leave to go to Orissa. The consulate has arranged a set of lectures for me down there. Janet and the kids are coming along for vacation. On Saturday, we will all go over to Puri for a real vacation (for me) for a few days. We return to Kolkata on the 20th.

7. I need to go pack.

Salutations, Margaret [Lily]

Today, I have two different things I’d like to mention in this Blog entry.
The first thing is in honor of my very good friend Maggie. She has asked me to talk about her in a Blog entry, so I’ll just say that she is one of the things I’m most looking forward to when I get back to Massachusetts, because she’s one of my closest friends.(I’m also looking forward to seeing my other friends, Alex, Tessa, and Annie; my house; my cat Zelda; my church; and, of course, Grandma and Grandpa. And pretty much everything else in America.) I’d also like to say hi to Maggie. And to Alex, Tessa, Annie, and Grandma and Grandpa.

The second thing is: Yesterday, my dad and I went out to lunch together at this restaurant that has really good dosas. They were crispy, and flavorful, and most definitely Heavenly. Mine was called a Rava Dosa or something. And there was also idilis, chutney, soup, and some fried, donut-like thing that I forget the name of.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

KFV: We Do Vegetables Right [Emma]

Yesterday my dad, my sisters, and I went to the new Kentucky Fried Chicken. Around half of the population here is vegetarian, so there was a whole vegetarian half of their menu, which I found really weird, considering the name of the restaurant. I also found it funny that one of their side dishes was a big plate of fried rice. We got normal chicken strips and we also tried the vegetable strips, which were pretty good.

Raindrops on Roses and Curries with Noodles [Lily]

There is a restaurant here called Charcoal, and it is my favorite restaurant in the whole world.
It is very relaxing and welcoming. When you first walk in, there is a faint smell of charcoal and a very friendly manager, smiling and waiting to seat us comfortably at our seats. You can either sit on these low couches with a coffee table and brightly colored throw pillows; or regular tables with patterned booths and chairs.
While you are waiting for your food, (there is a very thick menu filled with wonderfully tasty foods, such as kebabs, curries, rice, noodles, nan, etc.) you get a basket of popadums, (which are these fried things that are really hard to explain) and they make your taste buds dance with the exciting thrill of the glorious taste.
There is also sweet mocktails (like orange juice mixed with pomegranate juice or soda or whatever) and delicious desserts. Trust me, this restaurant is SCRUMPTIOUS!