Settle Your Sources

In Which the Hartley Household visits Kolkata and relates Tales to Amaze and Astound the Easily Amused

Name:
Location: Mount Holyoke College

Twitter: @JHeartsEcon

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Thinking of Home [Emma and Lily]

Emma:
I’m really looking forward to getting back to America. Our first plane leaves at 5am, so we have to be at the airport by 3am, so we have to get up at about 1:30 to load up the car and take the hour-long drive to the airport. We will get back to our house at about 12am that night and hopefully be able to fall asleep by 1. I can’t wait to see my friends, grandparents, people at school and church, and my cats, my chickens, my lizard I have yet to buy, and anybody’s horses. I also want to be back in my house and to have grass and trees almost everywhere, even if all the leaves are off the trees and the grass is covered by snow like I want. Getting water out of the tap and not having to boil milk and having it cold is going to be great.

Lily:
It has gotten surprisingly cold here this winter; every day I wear my coat and slippers around the house, because we don’t have heating. I am very happy, though, despite this chilly weather, because we will be home soon – in seven days, I’d like to add – and my parents are always talking about airplane seating arrangements and what we are taking home, and what we are not. There’s lots and lots of things I’m looking forward to in America, but I’ve realized there’s some things I’ll miss about India, too.

Things I Cannot Wait to get Home to:

Grandma and Grandpa
Alex, Maggie, Tessa, and Annie
My house
My bedroom (this could fall under the category of “My House,” but I think it deserves its own category)
My church
A backyard to play in
My kitchen, especially my dishwasher
All the delicious food Grandma makes
Grandpa’s Seven Layer Dip (*hint* *hint* for when we go to dinner at your house for the first time in 6 months, Grandpa)
Zelda, Bleu Cheese, Gidget, and Parker. And, I guess Willa.
Lots of other things that would take too long to mention

Things I’ll Miss About India:

Shrimps as long as my hand
Charcoal, my favorite restaurant in the world
Going to Coffee shops all the time
My Brain has gone blank; I can’t think of anything else

A visit to Ravana's Homeland [Emma and Lily]

Emma:
Last week my family and I went up to Sri Lanka for one of my dad’s former student’s weddings. We stayed in the capital, Colombo, until after the wedding and then we went down to an area called Bentota and stayed right next to the beach for a few days. There was also a river right next to the hotel and to get to the hotel you had to go on a ferry across it. One day we went on a 2 hour tour down the river. We saw a lot of water birds and two of these really cute water monitors. The best part was when a guy with a pet baby alligator came over and I got to hold it and put it on my shoulder. Clara had wanted to go on a Ringo ride, so I agreed to go with her since she had wanted company. In the end, I loved it and she was terrified, but when we stopped halfway through the ride she said she was fine. There was a really nice beach too. The waves were really big on the first two days, so on the third day we decided to rent body boards, but then the waves were tiny for some reason. If you walked down the beach for a little while there was tide pools. They were really cool and had crabs, eels, tiny fish, and sea urchins. It was a fun vacation.


Lily:
Two nights ago we returned to our flat from Sri Lanka, that little island off the coast of the tip of India. The reason we went there was to go to my dad’s former student Lahari’s wedding. Our first destination was Colombo, the capital of Sri Lanka and the city in which the church where the wedding was held is located. The wedding was Christian, and Lahari looked very pretty in the white and gold sari she wore in it. After the service, there was a reception at the Hilton hotel. It was really fun and there was lots of dancing and a buffet bigger than you’ve ever seen for dinner.
After staying five days in Colombo, we took a pretty drive down to Bentota, a town on the coast of Sri Lanka. We stayed at hotel Ceysands, a really cool hotel that we had to take a boat to because of the river right in front of it. There was a boathouse there with all sorts of water sports you could do on the river, such as Ringo rides, water skiing, jet skiing, body boarding (for the ocean, not the river), and lots of others. Well, Clara had her heart set on the Ringo rides; I guess she thought it would be fun to be pulled around on a tube by a boat. She finally talked Emma, who wasn’t thrilled at the idea, into going. Emma didn’t really want to go, but she went anyway. (I rode with my dad in the boat, to take pictures.) Emma ended up loving the ride, and wanting to go again, while Clara on the other hand hated it, and was too horror-struck to even talk for a while after the ride.
The ocean was so nice; it was warm and the waves weren’t too rough for most of the trip. Emma and my dad rented body boards, but then found the waves not big enough. My dad gave his board to Clara, who had a blast riding the small waves.
Another thing at the boat house was a boat tour, that we took. It was so much fun! We cruised along the river and saw all sorts of cool birds, and two water monitors, which are these big, slithery lizard things that swam lurked in the shallower parts of the water. There was a man we saw whose job was paddling around in his canoe, showing off his pet baby crocodile. The crocodile sat on Emma and Clara’s shoulders. I hate reptiles, yet anyway petted it bravely. We went through an awesome swamp thing that was like going through a tunnel of trees. We also went to a no-machine, all hand-work coconut product factory. They showed us how to make rope with coconut fiber. This is how:
1. Soak the coconut in water for three months.
2. After 3 months, take the coconut out and peel off the now soft shell.
3. Hack up the shell till it turns to fiber.
4. Let the fiber dry.
5. Twist and roll the fiber into a rope.

Well, that’s all I have time to tell for now; I have to go read Heidi during my five minute break from home school.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Off We Go (Again) [Jim]

Having just returned from Orissa a week ago, we figured it was about time that we set off again on some more Travels. Tomorrow morning we leave for Sri Lanka--we will be there until January 6.

We are going down for the wedding of one of my former students (Lahari); I am scheduled to give the sermon during the ceremony. We were invited to three weddings while we were here, and unfortunately we weren’t able to make it to the other two--another former student (Farial) was married in Bangladesh the same day we arrived in India, and we were recently invited to the wedding of another person we knew from our last visit here, but he is getting married the weekend right after we leave. But, at least we can make it to one wedding.

After the wedding, we are planning to go down to one of the beaches in the southwest of Sri Lanka for a genuine vacation--I am really looking forward to vacation.

Christmas was fun. On Christmas Eve, we had a huge lobster dinner--our fish guy at the fish market sold us some fantastic lobsters (Indian style--they are slightly different than their American brethren (lobsteren?)). Christmas morning we went to church, then came home for presents. Our neighbors came over for lunch. For dinner we went out to a local restaurant for a turkey dinner--real turkey with real gravy--it was stunningly good and not a hint of curry!

The church service was amazing. This is the same church we go to every Sunday--average attendance a Sunday morning is around 50-75; the cathedral seats about 500. They had a Christmas Eve service starting at 11:00 pm which we did not attend, but they mentioned in the Christmas morning service that there were about 2000 people at the evening service. When it came to communion, the line stretched far out of the building. One person said they left at 1:00 am and the line was still terribly long (communion starts about an hour into the service). Christmas morning was not so busy, but there were still around 750 people there. The service was great.

Our trip to Orissa was fun--as Lily noted n her post, the rest of the family had a great vacation--I was lecturing for the first half of our time there. Much the same as the other lecture trips--it was interesting. The hotel we were at was amazingly nice. After I was done lecturing, we went over to Puri for a few days of quiet relaxation. We returned from Puri on Wednesday morning at around 5 am, and then I had to go give a lecture at the Institute here later that day. We set up our tree--a genuine fake Christmas tree--that night. Three days of shopping later, we were all set for Christmas.

Alas, once again the this blog post is short--we leave at 3:30 am tomorrow morning, so I suppose I should go get some sleep. I do hope everyone had a very merry Christmas--and Happy New Year to one and all.

Merry Christmas

[As many Readers know, it is a Christmas Tradition for Your Humble Narrator to Compose a prototypical Christmas Form Letter for the purpose of Enclosure in a Festive Christmas Card sent to Assorted Individuals. This Season such Festive Cards were Not sent for (presumably) Obvious Reasons. The Long Suffering Wife of Your Humble Narrator did request a Form Letter be Composed nonetheless, which was to be e-mailed to One and All. Your Humble Narrator Obliged the Long Suffering Wife--not an easy task since the Hartley Household was Traveling during the Middle of the Month. But, nonetheless a Letter was composed on December 23. Sadly, The Long Suffering Wife read said Letter and Pronounced it "a Sub-par Effort" and exhorted Your Humble Narrator to Work Harder at the Task. As Christmas Eve was upon Your Humble Narrator a Scant few hours later, said Renewed Efforts did not Occur. Your Humble Narrator is Filled With Shame. It is of Note, however, that Precisely zero Persons wrote the Hartley Household inquiring about the Absence of the Annual Christmas Letter, which, Truth Be Told, comes as no surprise to Your Humble Narrator.

But wait, There is More.

The original, Manifestly Inferior Product is Reproduced Below for the Reading Pleasure of Your Humble Narrator.]


Pity Your Humble Narrator. [Insert collective sigh: “Poor, poor Humble Narrator.”] Once again, the Yuletide Season has approached Your Humble Narrator, whispering in kind admonitions that the Time Has Come in Which Your Humble Narrator generally composes a tremendously verbose letter which despite its extensive use of multisyllabic words and subclauses within subclauses never quite seems to alter the sad fact that for yet another year there were no events worthy of being related to the Patient Readers who toil year after year to decipher the prose only to discover that it was, in fact, not worth the bother to have done so. The fact that the Patient Readers continue to parse the aforementioned sentences at all is surely an example of the Triumph of Hope (ever present at this most Blessed Time of Year) over Experience (which, truth be told, is a thing of which seventeen of the aforementioned Patient Readers have had an extraordinarily large amount), leaving Your Humble Narrator in the most wretched state of having an insoluble quandary: when the Patient Reader who once again wades into the Slough of Despond after realizing that the efforts to read said Letter were not, after all, worthy of the Time Spent, is it the fault of Your Humble Narrator, who continues to mask a lack of Thought and Anecdote with an (admittedly quite) impressive array of commas, or the Patient Reader, who after all should know better by this point? Sadly, the answer is plain: Mea Maxima Culpa.

But as was mentioned at the outside of the previous paragraph (and Your Humble Narrator hastens to add that he is not unaware that there was no cause for a paragraph break at this point since the Matter (such as it is) under discussion has not changed one whit, but Your Humble Narrator opted for Aesthetic appeal (having paragraph breaks makes this letter appear to be letter-like for those Impatient Readers for whom Experience Triumphed over Hope) rather than Grammatical Niceties (which Your Humble Narrator hastens to add is not a Thing to be Lightly subordinated even to such important matters as Aesthetic appeal and thus the present usurpation of the latter should be interpreted solely as a matter arising from Pressing Need rather than a Denigration of Grammar)—but Your Humble Narrator Digresses, and so, to begin anew: As was mentioned at the outset of the Previous paragraph: Pity Your Humble Narrator. While in Normal Years, Your Humble Narrator is tasked by the Christmas Sprit to Compose a Letter on the aforementioned lines, this year Your Humble Narrator labors (or as they misspell it in these parts of the world, labours) under the added burden that the Exploits of the Hartley Household have been semi-regularly posted for the last five months on a web site of no particular renown (hartleykolkata.blogspot.com for the insatiably curious) and thus any Persons (or, One supposes Non-persons) who have had any Occasion to Wonder what was Occupying the Time of Said Household have had the ability (due to the marvels of Modern Technology) to Instantly Satisfy Said Curiosity and Discover that the Hartley Household is Still Not Doing Anything Particularly Worthy of Notice. [Many Readers will Object that Surely Spending Six Months in India is Worthy of Notice, but Your Humble Narrator is Aware that the Uttering of Such Protestations is Mandated By Social Mores: After all, there are over a Billion people Currently Residing in India, and if the Patient Readers were Truly Concerned with Life In India, then they would Surely be also Daily Perusing the Blogs of the other 999,999,995+ people who are sharing this Spot of the Globe With the Hartley Household. QED.] And thus, Not only Must Your Humble Narrator Compose a Letter Without Substance of Interest to the Reader, but Must do so with the foreknowledge that an Attempt to Lull the Reader into a False Sense that Perhaps this Year’s Letter will have substance is Doomed to Failure.

Tradition Mandates that This Paragraph in the Annual Christmas Letter announces the New Arrivals in the Hartley Household. Sigh. Readers are already aware that there are no new arrivals. Your Humble Narrator Mourns at the Loss of this Ever-Popular paragraph.

The Offspring Report will be presented in its Entirety However.

Beginning for obvious Reason with Lily (who has reached the odd age of 11), Your Humble Narrator is pleased to note that this particular offspring has not ceased to Amaze one and all with her virtuoso command of the English Language. Styling herself Your Humble Narrator, Jr. (a clear case of trademark infringement, but one which Your Humble Narrator has decided to delay prosecuting until once again residing in the Land of Large Scale Legal Damages for the pain and suffering caused by such Egregious infringements on Trademark), Lily has continued to astound Readers of the aforementioned blog with her ability to speak endlessly and say very little. Sadly, she still has some substance in her blog posts, but Your Humble Narrator is Confident that with Proper training her Word to Content Ratio can be increased. Lily’s ability to speak endlessly without saying much does not amaze anyone who resides with her, but said fellow residents are pleased to know that the Rest of the World can now understand what it must be Like to Live With Such a Person. Lily was Not asked if she had a Christmas message for one and all due to limitations of space.

Clara (whose age is a similarly odd 7) is maturing into the cutest and most brilliant second-grader since Lily was that age. Clara is a princess trapped in an American body, and since America has no Royalty, is likely to be forever trapped. Capturing the Charming Nature of the Antics of Young Clara is about as difficult as giving a hippo a bath in mayonnaise, and both the latter and the former are sadly (in the cast of the former) beyond the capabilities of Your Humble Narrator. When asked what she would like to relate to You, she replied, “Daddy! I don’t know. Stop bothering me with your pathetic attempts to improve your so-called letter with cute anecdotes about me. I am getting far too old for Nonsense of this sort.”

Emma (who has reached the odd age of 13)…hmm, for thirteen years Your Humble Narrator has been attempting to make it seem that Emma has somehow exhibited a behavior which is different from that which was exhibited in the previous year. After 11 failed attempts, Your Humble Narrator acknowledges defeat. Emma is the same this year as she was last year and the year before that and the year before that and the year before that and, well, You (being the Bright Discerning Type) get the Idea. Were Emma asked if she had a message for this letter, she would have simply grunted, and as Your Humble Narrator has heard said Grunts on Many Occasions, the Pleasure of Hearing Dear Emma emit Animal-Like noises was foregone in order to speed our Passage to the next paragraph, which is always Your Humble Narrator’s Favorite Paragraph to Compose.

The Long Suffering Wife of Your Humble Narrator has, as always, done an unbelievably good job molding the character of the Offspring, prohibiting Your Humble Narrator for committing too many egregious faux pas, turning a furnished flat in the Distant Land of India into a Real Home for the Hartleys, and maintaining her Sanity throughout. The Long Suffering Wife is truly a marvel and a model of Personhood.

And on that note, we, the Hartley Household, would like to bid you, The Reader, a Very Merry Christmas.

Friday, December 22, 2006

How to Travel in India [Lily]

We are now back from our vacation in Orissa, where we had lots and lots of fun. We took a train there that had beds on it. It started at 10:00 PM, so that explained the beds. I’d never been on a train before that. It was boringer than I’d thought it’d be..

Our first stop was in Bubheneshwar. (Which is, by the way, pronounced Boo-Ben-ish-war.) (“Ish” is said “ish” as in fish.) (And “war” is not said like “war” as in “battle;” it is “war” as in “a word I don’t think has a meaning, but rhymes with “far.”) Anyway; our first stop was in Bubheneshwar, (see previous three sentences for pronunciation) where we stayed at a five star hotel called the Mayfair. There was a huge breakfast buffet that came free with your room, as well as two main restaurants—Indian and Chinese—and two snack places; one of them including cheese dosas on the menu that scored high on the Heavenliness Scale. There was also room service, which was good, because the only place my parents let us get room service is at Indian hotels. It also had wonderful landscaping; with lots of gardens and a lagoon, which you can paddle around on, on these paddle boat things. There were many statues around the hotel and gardens, some of which Clara named (names such as Mr. Piggy—who was her favorite statue, and who we have a picture of Clara hugging--; Shorty Guy; Bob the Soldier; Horse the Bird; Fatso the Baker; Bread Man the Baker; Poko—another of Clara’s favorites, who is a gold giraffe--;and Mrs. Giraffe, Poko’s mother.) and said hello to every time we passed them. The hotel had a big pool we always swam in that was ice cold all the time with. (the pool had mermaid statues; you may be aware that Clara adores Mermaids, but she stubbornly refused to be in a picture with them because—says Clara-- “They had two tails and real mermaids only have one tail. They were not mermaids. They were meanies who thought they were mermaids, but they weren’t.” This was a real quote.) The only sightseeing we did there was a trip to the zoo, where we saw white Bengal tigers, monkeys, alligators, parrots, hippos, and lots of other animals. There were wild monkeys all over the zoo—climbing up trees, sitting on benches, scampering around on the paths, etc.

Our next destination was Puri, a town by the beach. The hotel we stayed at there was one we’d stayed at five years ago on our last trip here. It was called Hans Coco Palms. We went down to the beach a lot (six days before Christmas, I made a sandcastle) and there were giant sea slugs that squirted purple goo at Emma because she poked them too much. There was a pool at this hotel, too, and a nice patio area where we ate at a few mealtimes. We took a trip to Lake Chilka, where we saw real live freshwater dolphins and had freshly caught crab and giant prawns for lunch. My mother and I took a bicycle rickshaw to a shopping area, and apparently my mother paid a good price for the trip because the driver waited outside the shop we went to so he could take us back, too. There were lizards running around outside the hotel in the gardens that were really scary and spiky and ugly, though, oddly, Emma thought they were cute.

We took a train back, too, and it was equally boring to the first one. Actually, no; it was more boring, because it started earlier than the first, so it was a longer time before we fell asleep. Oh, and by the way, never take an Indian train; take an Indian plane. They’re cleaner.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Actually, I got 'em all cut [Jim]

Alas, the last fortnight has ill afforded opportunities for extensive ruminations on the Activities, or lack thereof, of the Hartley Household. And, alas again, now is not the time for all good bloggers to come to the aid of the readers for reasons which will be mentioned shortly. However, Time does afford the composition of the Short Version of the Blog Entry That Might Have Been.

1. I received a hair cut a couple of weeks ago. The barber spoke no English. My hair emerged the shortest it has ever been since I first started growing hair. In the words of Lily: “Dad! You look terrible!” Other family members agreed. It is growing. Well, what is left is growing.

2. I was at a roundtable discussion with a dozen people and the US Ambassador to India to discuss Indo-American cooperation in education. I received a very nice form letter from the Ambassador after the event.

3. The school at which I am teaching had a graduation ceremony last week. The primary speaker was the President of India. The President of India’s role in India is much like that of Prince Charles in England. India apparently still has a fascination with English governmental forms. Interesting guy, the President of India. If you have never seen a picture of him, it is well worth the Google search--strangest haircut on a Chief of State you will ever see.

4. The Christmas Play at our church was last night. Clara was the Talking Bell; Lily was the wife of the Inn Keeper and Wise Man Number 2 (Incense); Emma sang in the chorus.They were, obviously, great.

5. On Friday, I went to the library at the American center to return some books. On my way out I ran into one of the Public Affairs people who asked if I was going to the program. I had no idea what program he meant. There was a panel discussion that night on “Separation of Powers.” So, I went back inside to hear what they had to say. Five minutes before it started, someone walked over to me to say that one of the speakers couldn’t make it and so they wondered if I would be willing to give a talk on the subject. Shortlythereafter, I gave a ten minute lecture on US Constitutional Law. I think I even sounded like I knew what I was talking about.

6. Tonight we leave to go to Orissa. The consulate has arranged a set of lectures for me down there. Janet and the kids are coming along for vacation. On Saturday, we will all go over to Puri for a real vacation (for me) for a few days. We return to Kolkata on the 20th.

7. I need to go pack.

Salutations, Margaret [Lily]

Today, I have two different things I’d like to mention in this Blog entry.
The first thing is in honor of my very good friend Maggie. She has asked me to talk about her in a Blog entry, so I’ll just say that she is one of the things I’m most looking forward to when I get back to Massachusetts, because she’s one of my closest friends.(I’m also looking forward to seeing my other friends, Alex, Tessa, and Annie; my house; my cat Zelda; my church; and, of course, Grandma and Grandpa. And pretty much everything else in America.) I’d also like to say hi to Maggie. And to Alex, Tessa, Annie, and Grandma and Grandpa.

The second thing is: Yesterday, my dad and I went out to lunch together at this restaurant that has really good dosas. They were crispy, and flavorful, and most definitely Heavenly. Mine was called a Rava Dosa or something. And there was also idilis, chutney, soup, and some fried, donut-like thing that I forget the name of.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

KFV: We Do Vegetables Right [Emma]

Yesterday my dad, my sisters, and I went to the new Kentucky Fried Chicken. Around half of the population here is vegetarian, so there was a whole vegetarian half of their menu, which I found really weird, considering the name of the restaurant. I also found it funny that one of their side dishes was a big plate of fried rice. We got normal chicken strips and we also tried the vegetable strips, which were pretty good.

Raindrops on Roses and Curries with Noodles [Lily]

There is a restaurant here called Charcoal, and it is my favorite restaurant in the whole world.
It is very relaxing and welcoming. When you first walk in, there is a faint smell of charcoal and a very friendly manager, smiling and waiting to seat us comfortably at our seats. You can either sit on these low couches with a coffee table and brightly colored throw pillows; or regular tables with patterned booths and chairs.
While you are waiting for your food, (there is a very thick menu filled with wonderfully tasty foods, such as kebabs, curries, rice, noodles, nan, etc.) you get a basket of popadums, (which are these fried things that are really hard to explain) and they make your taste buds dance with the exciting thrill of the glorious taste.
There is also sweet mocktails (like orange juice mixed with pomegranate juice or soda or whatever) and delicious desserts. Trust me, this restaurant is SCRUMPTIOUS!

Thursday, November 30, 2006

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year [Lily]

As today is December 1st, I would like to take this time to tell you our plans for Christmas. Most decorations won’t be out for a week or two, as we’ll be in Bhubaneswar and Puri on vacation till December 20th. But our Christmas music, which is downloaded onto my mother’s I-Pod, is already on and filling our living room with Christmas joy. Later today, we’ll be putting up our advent calendar.
The main decorating will be very fun. We’ll have home-made paper snowflakes hanging from the ceiling, and on our tiny Christmas tree (probably about two feet tall) there will be bows and strings of pop-corn. There is a store here that sells Christmas merchandise year-round, so we’ll probably be checking that out for decorations.
On Christmas morning, we’ll have plum pudding and other festive breakfast foods from a bakery. I’m really hoping we’ll also have dosas and idilis, too, because this year Christmas is on a Monday, and the Dosa Man (as I like to call him) comes Monday mornings.

The Smell of Thanksgiving [Emma]

On Thanksgiving, my family and I went to the Consoler General’s house for dinner. The house was really big and nice with a good sized backyard. My mom made apple sauce and peas in orange sauce to bring. There was also a lot of other side dishes that other people brought too. There was turkey and mashed potatoes and all the normal food. I liked the mashed potatoes a lot because there’s tons of potatoes here but we never have mashed potatoes. For desert there was really good pumpkin pie and some chocolate cake and a few other things too. It was pretty fun but it was sad that I couldn’t smell the turkey cooking all day.

Monday, November 27, 2006

100% Lily-Typed [Lily]

(Before I start typing up this blog entry, I’d like to tell a certain person that this is 100% Lily-Typed. Now, I don’t like to say any names, but someone (ahem; Mr. Dan Brown) has thoroughly insulted me by thinking that I was not the one who is writing these blog entries; and that my father is. I would also like to tell that certain person (Mr. Brown; listen up) that because I am rightfully appalled that he or she (he) would even think to doubt my superior knowledge, I am expecting a long, solemn apology.

Oh, and I’d also like to thank Mrs. And Miss Brown for never doubting my blog entries.)

There. Now that I’ve set Mr. Brown straight, I will write my actual blog entry. Normally, I’d be writing about the Thanksgiving dinner thing we went to, but I have collected over time that both of my sisters seem to write about the most easily thought up topics; so I will tell you two things that aren’t as obvious.

The first thing I’d like to write about is an interesting story about a pizza place we ate dinner at in celebration of Your Humble Narrator Sr.’s entering of his fifth decade of life. The pizza place is called Fire and Ice, and not only does it have the same name as the pizza place we went to five years ago in Katmandu, Nepal; but as it turns out, the Italian owner just decided to move the restaurant’s location from Katmandu to Kolkata. But anyway, the owner wanted to have fresh Mozzarella cheese to make her pizzas; not just not-as-good, who-knows-how-old, packaged cheese. So she gave some money to some women in poverty, and with that money they bought some cows. Then, she taught them how to make Mozzarella cheese. And now, every day, they send her fresh, delicious Mozzarella cheese which she puts on her scrumptious pizzas.

The second thing I’d like to tell about is the odd similarity to the way some of the taxi drivers here drive, and the way Ernie drives the Night Bus. For those of you who don’t know, the Night Bus is a three-story purple bus in Harry Potter 3: Prisoner of Askaban that zips around everywhere real fast. Obviously, the taxis here (or at least the ones I’ve been in) don’t have talking shrunken heads or anything, but they do drive really fast and make sharp turns and swerve all over, cutting in front of tons of cars, and then slam on the breaks and end up like, two inches from hitting the car in front of them. And some of them do try to squeeze in between two cars, even if they can’t magically grow thinner to go in between them. But if you really think about it, there are a lot of similarities between the Night Bus and taxis in Kolkata.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Dilbert in India [Jim]

As was noted earlier, Friday was my birthday. I spent the day trapped in a Dilbert cartoon. The Human Resource Management program at the school at which I work had a day long seminar organized by the students. They invited me to go, so naturally I went. While there I learned that the goals of the Human Resource Department of a company are 1) to continue to efficiently engineer cutting edge solutions so that the company may endeavor to synergistically customize interdependent sources while promoting personal employee growth; 2) to proactively initiate diverse leadership skills as well as to interactively build long-term high-impact services; and 3) to synergistically coordinate ethical services such that the company may continue to globally engineer inexpensive solutions. And I always thought HR departments just managed the payroll.

None of those are actual quotations from the seminar, by the way, the real versions were much, much, much longer. I almost had a complete breakdown when one young man spent 4 minutes explaining that if you don’t tell employees what they need to know to do a job, then, shockingly enough, they won’t be able to do the job. The program started at 10; the speeches were non-stop until 2. Then lunch. Then an amateur version of Shaw’s Pygmalion (meant to show that HR departments are really important because they can convert anyone to something special); and then an endless quiz competition in which the questions were so esoteric that nobody in the room knew the answer to about 90% of them. Then another speech to summarize all the valuable insights of the day.

Things were much better after I got home--we went out to dinner at a pizza place. There is an interesting (to us, but probably not to you) story about this pizza place. The last time we were in India, we went up to Nepal and the Public Affairs Officer at the Consulate there took us to a pizza place called Fire and Ice, owned by an Italian woman. The owner has opened up another store in Kolkata, and we finally got over there. It was extremely good and the pizza was real pizza, not the Indian version of pizza (e.g., tikka chicken with cumin sauce). Janet read in one of the local papers that when the woman wanted to open a store in Kolkata, she needed a source for Mozzarella cheese. So, she arranged a small loan to some local women to get cows, and then she taught them how to make Mozzarella cheese which they deliver daily to the restaurant.

For my birthday, my family gave me socks, olives, and a 5-volume collection of Jeeves and Wooster stories. The olives were from Lily; Lily likes olives and figured this was a good opportunity to convince Janet to buy some.

Today, I had to go over to the school for a three hour seminar on “Globalization Through Overseas Investment.” The speeches were all as vacuous as the title. Well, expect the Communist guy who was painfully ignorant. The main speaker was the Chief Advisor to the Minster of Finance of the Government of India—he is the equivalent of a Assistant Treasury Secretary or whatever we call these people in the States. He seemed like a sharp guy, but he was clearly trying not to say anything in his speech.

Thanksgiving Dinner was great. It was a good sized crowd, maybe 75 people. Most of the Americans in Kolkata are either Consular Officials or missionaries working in some sort of social service organization. The Consol General has a 5 year old boy who was running around wild in the backyard. At one point Clara tackled him--that’s my girl.

Thank you Noah for an excellent birthday card. For those of you not in the Gould clan, Noah sent me a card with a hand-drawn picture of Dilbert talking to Dogbert. Dilbert says, “According to market research, 99.9 percent of 40 year olds do not shovel snow in their shorts.” [The inside reads “Happy birthday to one of a kind.”] I feel bad for those 99.9% of 40 year olds. And thanks Carol and Sam for your cards too—and Sam, when we get back, you can put on a pair of shorts and come over to help me with the snow.

It is weird to think about snow.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Happy Thanksgiving [Jim]

Last week I went to the city of Argatala in the State of Tripura on another lecture trip arranged by the US Consulate. Tripura is a rather isolated region in India—-it is the extreme end of the Northeast part of the state. On this trip, the new US Public Affairs Officer was with me—-we had many overlapping activities. The brief overview: we flew in Wednesday morning. I gave a lecture at the postgraduate school of economics at Tripura University. We then went to the Argatala Book Fair-—an event where local publishers set up booths to sell their books. I left that to go meet with some members of the Argatala Chamber of Commerce and discuss business activity in the Northeast. On Thursday, we toured the facilities of the NB Institute of Rural Technology, an NGO which shows people how to use better technology in production. We then went to the Ramakrishna Mission for a tour of the facilities, a discussion with the students and then lunch with some of the monks—-this was an incredibly large lunch. After that, I gave a lecture at the postgraduate school of management at Tripura University. Next was an informal meeting with the local journalists at a facility they use to type their reports. They provided “snacks” for us—-the “snacks” were another large meal, all local tribal food-—excellent taste, but after the large lunch I had just had a few hours ago, it was rather hard to eat enough to show that I did, in fact, like the food. I managed-—as did the others who were with me. After that, I was interviewed by a local reporter. That night, we were all taken out to dinner by someone who had been on a Consulate arranged trip to the US (this is another State Department Program)-—the third huge meal in a span of nine hours. Friday morning, we left the hotel at 6 AM to drive down to one of the local tourist attractions-—a huge, truly huge, palace built up in the middle of a beautiful lake-—quite an impressive sight. Later that day, I had a meeting at the State Institute of Public Administration and Rural Development, which turned out to be a meeting with all the top secretaries in the State of Tripura. (The Secretary of Education and the Secretary of Agriculture, by the ay, are both quite good and interesting people.) Later, I was interviewed by a local television station. Then, finally, I gave a lecture to the Indian Institution of Engineers, a professional organization. Saturday, we came home.
Some notes from the trip:
1. Argatala is the Kingdom of Bugs. I have never seen so many bugs. On Friday morning, the floor of my hotel room was littered with corpses—probably around 200 dead things—a combination of moth-like things and cricket-like things and assorted other things. Before going to bed at night, I had to sweep off the bed to get rid of all the moth-like things. The bathroom also had its fair share of assorted creatures. In the morning, the hotel halls were similarly littered with corpses. And, mind, this is the best hotel in Argatala.
2. The Book Fair was quite a spectacle. The Public Affairs Officer, Doug Kelley, was with me. People in that area were unbelievably excited to have an American Official visiting them. There were about two dozen cameramen surrounding us as we entered and walked around the Book Fair. It was funny watching him-—he is a nice, pleasant guy, but as soon as he enters situations like that he turns into a Diplomat-—he was smooth; I was impressed. The other memorable feature: Imagine what happens when there are lots of bright lights in the Kingdom of Bugs. There must be dozens of pictures of me in Argatala with bugs on my hair, neck, arms, clothes…
3. Even beyond the Book Fair, though, this trip was a media sensation out there-—apparently nobody ever visits the state. There was coverage of our visit every day in all of the papers; my picture is in a go0d chunk of them. I was a front page story in the English language paper. I have no idea what was said about me in most of the papers though since they are in Bengali.
4. The most fascinating news story though came on Thursday. Doug received a call from the Consulate office in Kolkata; they were telling him how sorry they were that he was having so many problems on the trip. He was puzzled at first. It turned out that the Argatala correspondent for a Bengali-language newspaper published in Kolkata had written a story about our visit. It was all about how the Public Affairs Officer had been greeted in Argatala by large anti-American demonstrations and was meeting with a lot of hostility. What is most incredible about that story is that it cannot even be described as exaggeration—-we never saw a single anti-American demonstrator and we never met anyone who expressed anything even remotely resembling hostility. All the local papers had very positive reports of the visit. Yet, there is now a section of the Bengali speaking population in Kolkata who “knows” that there were large anti-American demonstrations in Argatala. No wonder many people in the world don’t like America—-one can only imagine what they read in their daily paper.
5. The NGO was again a rather depressing visit in the end. They have an incredibly impressive facility—-they have whole areas devoted to teaching people how to make cheaper and better walls for houses, plus a complete demonstration house; an area devoted to teaching people how to repair agricultural machinery; and area devoted to teaching people how to make cheaper and better bricks for construction; an area devoted to teaching people how to be better tailors; an area devoted to teaching people how to convert methane gas to power; an area devoted to teaching people how to repair solar panels for use in homes; several classrooms, a hostel for people who are being trained, and a nicely air-conditioned model store showing people how to design better retail outlets—-the store had local handicrafts for sale. They also had assorted animals on display, a few nice looking plant displays and a science center. The tour was most impressive; it looked like an amazing place doing a lot of good. They have a picture of Prince Charles meeting with the founder of the Institute. They are on the tour bus route, so tourists come to visit the facility regularly. Then at the end of this most impressive tour of the facilities, I asked: “How many people come here for training per year.” The answer: 200. Yes, 200—-less than 4 per week on average. They have ten sewing machines alone—-if they had people coming in once a week for the tailoring lessons only, they could train 520 people per year. Multiply that by the number of different training areas they have—-most of which could accommodate at least ten people at a time, and it is readily apparent that we were not visiting a place that actually does much training at all—-it is rather a showplace for tourists, whose tour undoubtedly ends in the nice air-conditioned store. Depressing.
6. The start of this trip was rather rough. On the night before we left, I was running a fever of 102.5. When I woke up, I had a fever of 101.7. I was seriously hoping I would not faint in the middle of a lecture. But, the fever broke mid-morning. I slept a lot on the trip, but fortunately there were no illness related difficulties.
7. I am happy to report that some of the food I ate in Tripura was both clean and served on clean plates.
Other News:
1. I gave a lecture Tuesday at the Megnhad Saha Institute of Management and Technology. This is one of the new (5 years old) private schools in Kolkata. A very nice building out in the middle of nowhere—-we had to travel quite some way down a barely paved one-lane road to get to the facility. The students there were very interesting.
2. For Thanksgiving, we are going over to the Consol General’s house for dinner. He lives in the big Compound as it is officially known. They fly in turkeys for all the Consular Officials, so it will be a traditional Thanksgiving Dinner. I have no idea how many people will be there—-we were at the house the last time we were here (different Consol General) and it is a very nice place with a large backyard for entertaining.
3. I found out that I have an official designation with the State Department for all these trips they arrange. I am a TOO—-Target of Opportunity. They give that designation to people like me who are already in the country, so they can send them out for lectures without having to pay the airfare from the US.
4. On Friday, I will enter my Fifth Decade of Life. In thinking about the first four decades of the Life of Your Humble Narrator, it is terribly obvious that the highlight is Janet. She will be terribly annoyed with me for writing this and putting it on the Web, but since it is soon to be my birthday, I would like to note that there is nothing on Earth that makes me happier than knowing and being married to Janet.
5. Milton Friedman, RIP. I suspect that he will be known to posterity as the greatest economist of the second half of the 20th century. He had more influence on my economic education than any other economist I never met.
6. Book Reports:
a) P. G. Wodehouse: Uncle Fred in the Springtime; Uncle Dynamite
What else can one say about Wodehouse? Every book is exactly the same, and every book is perfect.
b) Capote, Breakfast at Tiffany’s
This was vastly better than I had expected it to be. The chances that I will read *In Cold Blood* in the near future skyrocketed. Capote is an amazing writer; the story was beautifully done. A remarkable portrait.
c) Eliot, The Naming of Cats
I have read these poems before many times, but this was the first time I had the edition with Edward Gorey illustrations—-they are fabulous and add a lot to the poems themselves. Eliot is amazing.
d) Twain, assorted shorter essays and stories
I picked up a copy of one of the Library of America’s Twain collections a few weeks back. [The Library of America books are incredibly good-—great typeset and a wonderful collection of works.] Browsing through the collection was fun—-Twain is a very hit or miss author, but when he hits, he is one-of-a-kind.
7. In the last month, I have checked out copies of books by Roth (Portney’s Complaint) and DeLillo (White Noise). This is all part of my decision to take advantage of being in India and having so much time to read to look into assorted authors whose works I have never read. I quit around page 50 for both of these authors. Now, these are both authors about whom academic critics rave. Both of these novels bored me to tears.
I have read a lot of bad books in my day, but there is something particularly tedious about these works, and it is a quality I have noticed in may other works of contemporary, critically-acclaimed fiction (Updike is a perfect example). I finally put my finger on what it is that annoys me so much about these novels. Their primary quality is Narcissism—it is painfully apparent on every page. And, if I am right about that, it says a lot about what contemporary academic critics like to read about in novels. If anyone can offer up a kind word for any of these author’s, I would be very glad to hear it.

8. Clara was invited to another birthday party yesterday. She is quite the little Party Animal.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Our Reviewers Dine Out [Emma, Lily and Clara]

[Editor's note: All three of the young ones have provided a restaurant review below. It is left as an exercise for you, the Reader, to determine which Child wrote which review. As you will note, this is about as challenging as breathing.]

Reviewer Number 1:
On Sunday my family and I went to a buffet at a restaurant called Oh! Calcutta. It was really good. First there was this mushroom and fish soup that I liked a lot and just didn’t eat the mushrooms. They brought me and my sisters this lime drink that I also liked. At the buffet I had a really good cheese dish in butter sauce. There was fish in this green sauce which was good, and a fish salad. There was a shrimp dish too. I also tried something weird, thinking they were potatoes, but they turned out to be something that I’m not sure what it was, stuffed with something else that I don’t know what it was either. It didn’t really have that much taste, but it was in a good coconut sauce so that’s ok. They brought naan towards the end of the meal. For dessert there was vanilla ice cream, sandesh, and kiwi soufflé. It was a really good lunch.


Reviewer Number 2:
In a big shopping mall called Forum near our house, (this mall is seven stories tall, with escalators and elevators; and millions of shops and a big food court and a movie theater) there is a restaurant called Oh! Calcutta. My parents go there for dinner a lot, and they found out that on Saturday and Sunday afternoons, there are these big lunch buffets. I’d never been to Oh! Calcutta, but my parents had told me about its wonderful food, and Sunday afternoon, we went to the buffet.
Let me tell you, it was SO good! I had this awesome cold fish salad with onions and stuff to start, and then there were these delicious curries made with fish, shrimp, chicken, etc. to put on rice. And there was black pepper popods (which are these fried, crispy thingies, in this case cooked with black pepper in them) and buttery nan (an Indian flatbread). And for dessert, there was sandesh, (a Bengali sweet made of – well, I don’t exactly know what it’s made of, but it’s texture is kind of sandish (no pun intended) and it’s sweet and VERY good) and kiwi soufflé, and payesh, (rice pudding) and vanilla iced cream! Oh, it was heavenly. Next time you’re visiting Kolkata, march right up to the sixth floor (next to the movie theater, which by the way, serves TOMATO popcorn) in Forum, and go to Oh! Calcutta. I’m serious. You WON”T regret it.


Reviewer Number 3:
On Sunday we went to a buffet in Oh! Calcutta. There was shrimp, chicken and there were potatoes too. It was very nice. There was kiwi dessert and also sandesh. I ate a rose petal with it. There was also vanilla ice cream. It was very good.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Giving Thanks [Lily]

Thanksgiving

By Lily Elizabeth Hartley

Thanksgiving is wonderful;

Thanksgiving is great;

A time where I am

In a quite happy state.

Those irresistible smells

Of turkey and stuffing

And warm mash potatoes

Drowned in gravy to your liking.

And orange sweet potatoes

Cooked up in brown sugar

And gross cranberry sauce;

So sour and bitter.

Aromas fill the air

At this beautiful time

Which is pretty much why

I am writing this rhyme.

But in the time of Thanksgiving

It’s not just about food;

It’s about counting your blessings;

And thinking of how good

Your fortune is

Compared to so many others

In this big world of ours;

All those children with mothers

Who can’t afford to have

An expensive dinner

With all that turkey and gravy

Which doesn’t make us any thinner.

So this Thanksgiving;

During all that cooking fuss

Think about our good fortune

And what the Good Lord has given us.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Dinner With Tim [Emma]

On Friday we met Tim Brown. We went out to dinner with him at a really good restaurant called Charcoal. We sat on couches with a really low table next to them. We got this creamy chicken curry that was my favorite thing. There was also vegetables in some sort of brown sauce, naan, rice, and chicken kabobs. It was really good.


[Editor's Note: Let me assure one and all that the dinner with Tim Brown was actually a very enjoyable evening for the other three Hartleys who were there. (I, alas, was in Assam when he was visiting Kolkata (he is spending three months in Bangladesh, but do to visa requirements, he has to leave the country every month. Efficienct, to be sure).) Anyway, Janet, in particular had a lovely time talking with him about South Asia, and if she posts something here (insert laugh), then she can tell everyone about it. ]

Monday, November 13, 2006

Portrait of an Artist [Lily]

Today I learned some more about Vincent Van Gogh, my favorite artist. Many people he was totally whacked. I took a survey (though I only had four people – including myself, Your Humble Narrator Jr., - to ask opinions of) to see what they thought of him. Here are the results:

Emma Rose Hartley: “He was…out there.”

Janet Sue Gilman Hartley: “He was drunk.”

Lily Elizabeth Hartley, or, Your Humble Narrator Jr.: “He was a misunderstood, yet fantastic artist, who thought no one appreciated his artwork; sure, he probably could have made a better choice than to commit suicide, but he was probably overwhelmed with his troubles, such as his struggle to find love and a place where he could fit in and was happy. And if I was there in his time, I would most definitely have bought his painting, Portrait of Dr. Gachet, for $82.5 million.” ( This is judging the fact that I would be an adult at the time, and have zillions of dollars and a mansion with penguins and my cat Zelda living in it, because I’ll be a famous painter/author/sculptor/photographer/interior designer.)

Clara Dahlia Hartley: “I don’t know who Vinfit Vingo is.”

But from now on, I will appreciate Vincent Van Gogh even more, because I am aware of his troubles and hardships he went through.

Pretty and Lovely Stewardesses [Jim]

“If you need anything, our pretty and lovely stewardesses will be happy to help you.” Thus spake the pilot on my flight home on Saturday. How come pilots in America never describe the Air Hostesses as “pretty and lovely”?

The trip to the Northeast went well—for Your Humble Narrator at least. We were all slated to leave for Assam on Monday morning at 8:00. On Sunday night at 10:00, Janet turned on the news (as she is wont to do) and the headline was “Bomb Blasts in Guwahati.” Now, Guwahati is not only in Assam, but is the capital of Assam, and more relevantly is the location of both the airport and the hotel at which we were slated to spend half the week. Janet decided that she did not really want to be wandering around a city with three kids in tow in the wake of some bomb blasts in the marketplace. So, the rest of the family stayed home, while I went on the lecture tour. They all seemed to have had a nice week.

The rough outline of my week: On Monday, I flew to Guwahati. (I was accompanied throughout the trip with the Cultural Affairs Specialist from the US Public Affairs Office—he took care of all the details, which was good because a) there were a ton of details needing care and b) I didn’t have to think about any of them as a result.) I gave a talk in town Monday afternoon. On Tuesday we drove to Shillong (3-4 hour drive in a neighboring state). I gave the keynote talk in a session at a conference there, then met with the editor of an opinion magazine for a couple of hours. On Wednesday, I gave another talk (at a women’s college!) and met with the reporter from the Shillong Times (who wrote a story about me in the paper the next day. On Thursday, we drove back to Guwahati; I gave a talk at a research institute mid afternoon, and then we drove to IIT-Guwahati (an hour drive each way) to give another talk in the early evening. On Friday, I gave two more talks, met with an NGO to discuss their operations in the Northeast and was interviewed by a reporter from the Assam Tribune (who wrote a story about me in his paper the next day—in that paper, I was front page, above the fold (!)). Saturday, I returned to Kolkata and my wonderful family.

Notes on the trip:

1. Aimee asked for more details on the talk I was giving. Roughly it was as follows:

The American Experiment: Using Michael Novak's work on democratic capitalism, an essential feature of the American system is the division of society into distinct economic, political and moral-cultural orders. When one of these areas of society reaches beyond its bounds, the society suffers.

New Growth Theory: Recent economic work has taught us a lot about what causes countries to grow; an overview of these findings points to the importance of things like good institutions.

Lessons for India: The combination of the two things above point to what it is about America that has enabled it to become so prosperous. The further implications are 1) there is no reason that America's growth cannot be replicated in other countries, but 2) economic growth is not inevitable. If a country wants to grow, it will need economic liberalization and privatization, a good set of political and legal institutions (including good rule of law, low corruption, good infrastructure, including financial infrastructure, and recognition of property rights), openness to international trade and capital flows, and good schools, particularly at the lower levels of education. Economic growth, however, also involves a large degree of social change as old relationships are altered. While India has done much to begin the growth process, to keep growth from stagnating will require increasing amounts of societal and economic change.

India is at a Crossroads. Some people would like to see India adopt US institutions have economic growth leading to US levels of wealth which will mean vast societal change. Other people would prefer that India retain its traditional society which will mean there is not much economic growth. There is currently a big debate in India between these two visions of the future, and it isn’t clear to me which will win out in the end.

2. Te reactions to that talk were fascinating. There were three types of questions. 1) Some people just wanted more details or had questions about assorted parts of the argument; 2) Some people wanted to know more about how India could get on a high growth path; 3) Some people become extremely agitated and terribly upset, demanding a) Why should India want to be like the US? (to which I replied, “I don’t know—I am an American. It is up to you to figure out what you want India to become”); b) Why should we imitate the US; why don’t we find and Indian Way of Growth (to which I responded that it was fine to look for an Indian Way of Growth, but we have no evidence of any country ever in the history of the world being successful in that sort of an attempt); or c) Economic Growth is evil because it is destroying the way of life of many poor tribes in the country (to which I responded that this was exactly the question the tribes themselves needed to answer—do they want to continue to live the same way they have lived for thousands of years or would they rather that their grandchildren had the same opportunities for wealth that American children have).

3. IIT-Guwahati was a very depressing visit. Everyone in India talks about how the IITs are top-notch universities. That may be true in Engineering, but in Economics, that campus was disgraceful. There are two economists at the school. Neither one of them understands econometrics—and I am not exaggerating. One of them even said that he rejected the whole econometric approach. Now, it is strange enough to find an economist who rejects econometrics—Econometrics is the tool economists use to do all empirical work—it is simply statistical analysis of economic data. But, the depressing thing is to realize that IIT Guwahati does not have *any* economists who understand econometrics. Our undergraduate majors in economics at Mount Holyoke know more econometrics than the *faculty* at this IIT. I am not kidding. On top of that, these two profs seemed unaware of the norms of question and answer sessions; frequently one of them would ask me a question during the discussion part of the talk. I would start to answer it, get about two sentences out, and then the same prof would immediately interrupt with a completely different questions. It was pretty obvious they didn’t care about the questions they were asking, they were just so angry that I was saying something with which they disagreed, that they started sputtering. I think the Dean of the College was terribly embarrassed by the behavior of the faculty.

4. The Conference at North Eastern Hill University in Shillong was a train wreck. They had me in a session slated to last two hours and 15 minutes. They asked me to speak first, and then they had a set of people to present papers in the session, which was supposed to be followed by questions and discussions. But, they scheduled 10, yes 10, prostrations for the session. [A normal session like that would have 3-4 presentations.] By the time the session was scheduled to end, there were still several presentations left to go. And, the worst of it was that I had to leave to go to my next event—so I wasn’t even able to stay until the end. I have never seen any conference organizer try to cram 10 papers into a single session before.

5. And just so it doesn’t sound negative—all the rest of the talks and discussions went extremely well—very interesting discussions and questions everywhere else.

6. The NGO was interesting. They have a microfinance operation, so I was able to find out for myself how well the microfinance programs are working. In the initial presentation, they told me they had over a 96% repayment rate on the ;loans. I asked them what interest rate they charged, and it was over 15%. Then I noted this—if they have a loan program with a 96% repayment rate and interest rates over 15%, why do they have any trouble at all getting funds to lend?—after all, this would be the single best way to save in the entire world. The people in the NGO immediately looked a little sheepish. There was an academic who is a member of the governing board who was there, who then noted that the 96% replacement rate was just considering the time since the new director had taken over a year or so ago (the new director has Ph.D. in economics from Rutgers). Before that, the repayment rates were, in fact much lower—around 10% or so. And then once that was admitted, everyone in the room readily admitted that the microfinance groups all over did in fact have terrible repayment rates. This is exactly what every single student of mine who has done an senior thesis on microfinance has found. The organizations report these incredibly success rates, but the reality is that they aren’t very successful at all. Also, of interest was this NGO’s assessment of other NGOs in India. About 90% or so of the NGOs operating in India are frauds—someone sets up an NGO as a way of getting large grants from donors and then the NGO never actually does anything at all.

7. The bomb blasts on Sunday were done by ULFA, which poses as a Liberation Front for Assam. They claim that they are seeking to make Assam an independent state. But, in asking around up there, it seems that everyone knows that it not really a political organization at all. It is more like the Mafia. It extorts lots of money from politicians and everyone else around, and then periodically blows something up. Several people in Guwahati said to me that every day they consider themselves fortunate to still be alive—what a way to go through life.

8. There is a large Christian community in Shillong—it is about 70% Christian and the rest is Animist. It was rather strange seeing so many Christian churches in an Indian city. Also, many taxis had stickers saying “Jesus” or some such thing in the back window. In Kolkata, the taxis all have these little plastic shrines to Ganesh with flashing lights on the dashboard.

9. The drive to Shillong was…well, it was noteworthy. Shillong is in the mountains, so it is a very windy mountain road. Coming down, our car was moving along at around 45 miles per hour. And, they were driving like they do in Kolkata—if there is enough room to pass, you pass. The car we were in would not pass someone *right* before a blind corner, but the driver didn’t need a lot of space to deem it worthy of passing. I could not even count how many times we moved by cars coming in the other direction with about a foot of room to spare. And, of course, there are no guardrails on the side of the road. Janet would not have liked that drive at all.

This week will be another busy one for me. Today, I gave a talk over at the American Center of getting into graduate school in the US (it is International Education Week for the US Consulate). Tomorrow, I have a lecture at IISWBM. Then Wednesday, I leave for another State Department trip—this time to Tripura. Again, they put together a “few” talks for me. While there, I will give lectures at: Agartala University Economics Department, the Agartala Chamber of Commerce, Agartala University Management Department, and the Indian Institution of Engineers. I also have two separate meetings with the media, and finally I will meet with the Director of the State Institute of Public Administration and Rural Development (SIPARD) and discuss “Public-Private Partnership.” I have no idea what that last item means either.

On this trip the new Public Affairs Officer in Kolkata will be coming with me, so it will be interesting to talk with him.

Book Reports:

1. Trollope, Dr. Thorne
Book three in the Barsetshire series. This one brings in a whole new set of characters—some of the people form the earlier two books have cameo appearances, but none play any role in the narrative. This volume had more charm and less wit than the last entry.

2. Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo
Light entertainment; it’s interesting in a way—people are still reading this book over a hundred years after it was written, but it is not a Great Book. It’s the kind of book that people like John Grisham would love to write—something entertaining enough to stick around for awhile. The most refreshing part was the ending—it did not end the way it would if the same book were being written today.

3. Shakespeare, The Tempest
This play usually makes the list of one of Shakespeare’s Great plays, but it is the only one of the plays so listed that I would personally put in the Almost Great category instead. It always strikes me as too rough around the edges; the characters don’t get fleshed out enough to be really interesting.

4. Wodehouse: Eggs, Beans and Crumpets.
A collection of short stories; most of which feature either Ukridge or Bingo Little. Obviously, a very amusing set of stories.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

How To Buy Clothing [Jim]

Life here in India suddenly became much, much busier. Now, I am not unaware that I said I was busy at work before this, but it seems that my previous state of activity was lethargical compared to what is to come.

Last Monday, the US Consulate (the Official Arm of that Most Beloved Institution, the US State Department) arranged a few lectures for me. Well, they said it was a few. The US State Department’s definition of “few” does not match the definition used by the Rest of Humanity.

On Monday, they told me they had scheduled a talk for me at Globsyn (a local Business School); so I had 48 hours to prepare the talk they wanted me to give—plenty of time, to be sure, but I am not sure how they knew I could put together a talk in such a short time. They also told me on Monday that they had scheduled a visit for me to Assam (in the Northeast part of India). That visit begins on Monday, November 6 and ends on Saturday, November 11.

My schedule for Assam:

Lecture on “U.S. Experiments with Economic Growth: Lessons for India?” at:
1. Gauhati University
2. North Eastern Hill University
3. Indian Council for Social Science Research
4. Omeo Kumar Das Institute of Social Change
5. Indian Institute of Technology (IIT)
6. Cotton College
7. Assam Management Association

I will also be delivering the keynote address in the session on “WTO and Developing Countries” at the National Seminar on “Global Convergence of Education in Commerce and Management”

I am also scheduled to:
Discuss environment economics with the editor and the publisher of “Grassroots Options”
Participate in a media interview with as of yet unknown media people
Be interviewed by someone from the Assam Tribune
Meet with the executive director of Rashtriya Gramin Vikas Nidhi

All of that between noon on Monday and Friday night. And, there are two 3 hour car trips in the middle of the week to go from Guwahati to Shillong and back.

Even better: They have also scheduled two more trips like that in the next month and a half and assorted events in Kolkata and a few day trips to other places around.

As they said, they scheduled a “few” talks for me.

Now, the strange part is that I only found this out on Monday. The first lecture was scheduled for Wednesday and then I had to prepare for the other lectures/discussions during the week. I am almost ready to go—well, expect for the Power Point presentation—the assistant Public Affairs Officer told me that they always advise speakers going to the remoter parts of India to have something on Power Point for those members of the audience whose English skills are minimal. Most of you can well imagine my reaction to using Power Point; maybe I will get around to preparing something tomorrow.

I also was asked to add in all my talks that I do not speak for the US government, but that I am here as a Private Individual, and my views do not express the Official Position of the US Government. Thus I am Officially Not an Official Spokesman of the US Government. They are, however, paying for my trip (Your Tax Dollars at work).

Now for those of you worrying about the other members of the Hartley Household, Fear not. The US State Department does not neglect Family members. Janet and the Kids are going with me on the trip to Assam—a nice vacation for them, to be sure. And, Fear Not, the Hartley Household is Financing the travel expenses of the Rest of the Household, so Your Tax Dollars are Not At Work here.

Anyway, it has been very busy this week between preparing talks and arranging itineraries and such for three different trips. So, alas, the blog has been neglected.

Other News:
1. Last night we had dinner at the Mittras, the people who own the flat in which we are living. An extremely pleasant evening. One of the other guests was an ex-Policeman, ex-English teacher, and ex-Director for the tram system in Kolkata, who was amazingly talkative with a never ending array of amusing anecdotes.

2. Last Sunday, the kids were cast in roles for the Christmas Play at Church. Clara is going to be a Bell. A Talking Bell. I think she will make an excellent Bell.

3. The exam I gave in the course in the Masters Program in Retail Management was…Fascinating? Disturbing? Revolting? Depressing? I am still not sure. There were 58 students in the room taking the test. I was also in the room, right up front. Had it been a test at Mount Holyoke, 18 of the 58 students would have failed the course on the spot for cheating. I am not kidding. Another 6-10 were also cheating. The difference between the 18 who would have failed and the other 6-10 was that the former were cheating repeatedly throughout the test. This cheating was going on while I was standing there watching them. I was a bit bewildered by the spectacle, and being a mere visitor had no idea what was the normal procedure in a case like this (fail half the class on the spot?) so I went to the department chair and told him what I saw. He was angry and embarrassed—and the whole class is going to be forced to retake the test—not what I would have done, but not my decision to make. I had a nice long lecture for the class the next time I saw them; a good chunk of the class looked rather ashamed—unfortunately, the ones who weren’t cheating looked the most ashamed. I have no idea what conclusions to draw from this episode.

4. Since this trip to Assam has 5 days of public lectures, and I only brought three long sleeve shirts to India with me, I needed to buy two new shirts. I went to a store to get them and was rather bewildered looking around at the shirts. Then it dawned on me. I have Never gone to the store and bought a shirt for myself. Never. I have no idea what I am supposed to be looking at when I look at shirts. How do people pick colors and styles and such? So, I left, and Janet went out and bought me two new shirts this afternoon. Now I can wear them and not think about shirts anymore.

5. Book Reports:
1. McCarthy: All the Pretty Horses
The Crossing
McCarthy is my candidate for the contemporary author whose books are most likely to be Great Books in 100 years. These two books are the first books in his Border Trilogy. They are extraordinary—and, like all Great Books, even more Extraordinary when being read for the second time.

2. Doyle: The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes
Holmes is an amazing literary creation; and Doyle’s ability to define an entire genre is incredible. What, after all, is the real difference between a Christie novel and a Sherlock Holmes story?

3. Christie, Parker Pyne Investigates
Many of these stories are more Charming than Mysteries, but they still follow the Holmesian Mold. A good chuck of the book is quite like a story in Chesterton’s The Club of Queer Trades. I had never run into Parker Pyne before, but I am glad to know him.

4. Bond, Paddington Goes to Town
A late entry in the series, and it had a bit of a tired air about it. Even still, our dear Friend from Darkest Peru was quite loveable.

5. Steinbeck, The Red Pony
I am not a real fan of Steinbeck; most of his books make me feel like I am being bludgeoned with a large stick on which it is written “This is the Moral of My Story. It is a Very Important Moral, so I will keep Beating you with it to Make Sure you Understand.” Until now, Cannery Row was the only one of his books I truly liked. The Red Pony now joins Cannery Row.

6. Harford, The Undercover Economist
Another of those econ books for people who know nothing about economics. I read these to pick up interesting anecdotes for lectures. This one had several good anecdotes. It is also one of the better books in this genre, so if you are looking for a book like this, you could do a lot worse.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Our House Poet Speaks Again [Lily]

A Day in Kolkata
Written by Lily Hartley

Kolkata is a nice place to stay;
On the streets kids laugh and play;
And many a dog runs ‘round astray.
At eleven o’clock you get tea on a tray!
But all the fun will end one day,
‘Cause when Monsoon comes right your way,
The air is thick and the sky turns gray.
At first, rain comes down in a nice spray,
But soon it beats down on the streets all day;
And all you can do is hope and pray
The rain will end soon; preferably today.
But when the sun comes back one day,
You can go outside, and once again you may
Enjoy new things in Indi-ay
‘Cause here, they do things in a different way;
A way that makes things so happy and gay.
But over all, I have to say
That Kolkata is a nice place to stay.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Diwali Report (Concise version) [Emma]

Saturday was Dewali, which is the festival of lights. My family and I walked around the city for a little bit and looked at all the lights that were set up. The best part was when we got back to the apartment and watched everyone set off fireworks in the parking lot. Most of them were these ones that looked like big fountains, or smaller ones that spun around on the ground. My mom, Lily, and Clara all went into the apartment pretty soon, but me and my dad stayed outside for a long time. There was one later on that shot a bunch of little fireballs up into the air and they were all hitting the building and bouncing off. There was also this one guy who bought big fireworks. They were like the ones you see on the Fourth of July. There was also one that shot confetti everywhere, which was all sitting on the ground getting burnt up by other fireworks afterwards. The most dangerous things were the bottle rockets. At first it was just the adults setting them off and it was fine, but later the kids started setting them off and there was one that went backwards, hit the building and bounced off and landed three or four feet from me and my dad. The adults helped them after that. It was fun.

Last week Clara had a birthday party. There was somewhere around 30 kids in our apartment and they were all running around and screaming. They played Pass the Pillow, which is the same as Hot Potato except there’s no song that goes with it, you just play music and stop it at a random time. They were yelling too loud and couldn’t hear the music though. We attempted to get them to play Dead Dog, but either they had too much energy or didn’t understand that dead dogs can’t yell. Then we brought out snacks, which they were very excited about and there was more yelling and shoving of people. Over all it wasn’t as bad as I expected. They didn’t break anything and my hurt toe only got stepped on twice and one of the times was by Lily.

Diwali Report (Loquacious version) [Lily]

I, Your Humble Narrator Jr., (I think that name fits because of the many comments saying I’ll end up like my dad, Your Humble Narrator. But I still wonder whether those are supposed to be compliments or not) will take this time to tell you readers about Diwali. (Which is pronounced Divali, by the way. It makes my parents frustrated when I pronounce it Diwali, but I actually don’t do it on purpose, but of course they don’t believe me.) Diwali is celebrated all over India. But that’s not what you want to hear, or what I want to base this post on. If it were what I wanted to write about, my posts wouldn’t be your favorite to read. (Thank you, by the way, to those of you who have commented that mine are your favorites. Mine are my favorite too, and not only because they are the only ones that I read.) What I, Your Humble Narrator Jr., would like to write about is the festivities.

Well. All of the kids buy fireworks. Except here, they call them “crackers.” (I prefer saying “fireworks” though so I don’t start think my tea time snack will explode in my mouth.) On the official Diwali, they blasted them till midnight, which I approved of because it meant I got to stay up till midnight, due to the noise. Some of them were very interesting, like the ones that spin really fast, shooting sparks everywhere, making a pschoooooookkkkkk sound, then suddenly, “BOOM!” The loudest explosion ever. Or the ones that shoot up a fountain of sparks in to the air, each of which explode in their own mini firework. I can not think of a sound to describe those. A few bottle rockets hit neighboring apartments, as well as ours, and one rocket even bounced off the apartment and landed about a meter away from my dad. When one exploded, a tiny parachute floated down from the sky, and oddly, my dad caught it perfectly without even moving.

We also walked around town and saw the pandals. The goddess in them was a shade of navy blue with a necklace of heads around her neck and her tongue sticking out, standing on a white guy. Quite attractive, right?

Well, that is all for now, because Your Humble Narrator Jr. has a Gandhi report to work on.

Monday, October 23, 2006

Unsafe at any Speed [Jim]

Yes, Clara’s birthday party was a rather raucous affair. Indeed, the only time that there was even something resembling calm was when Janet decided, on the spur of the moment, that it was time to play that always popular American Party Game of “Dead Dog.” [For those who do not know this most excellent game, it is played thus: All children pretend to be dead dogs. Whichever child resembles a dead dog for the longest period of time ostensibly wins, though all parents known that it is the adults who are the True Winners when every child is suddenly quiet and still.]

As for the question of a noted Engineer regarding how a rectangular cake could optimally be made to serve 41 people, I will note that this is exactly the problem with the Western Mindset. It seems that Westerners have this odd notion that all pieces of a cake should be the same size, but here in India, such linear thinking is eschewed. Obviously some people prefer larger pieces of cake than others and in India, the Cake Place People are able to discern how large a piece of cake each of the Customer’s Guests will want. I don’t know how they do this since I too suffer from a Western Education. The only other alternative that has occurred to me is that when they say 41 people they mean “41 other people.” Again, we Westerners have this strange Idea that the Customer is a Person, so perhaps a cake that serves 41 people serves 41 People plus the Unperson named “Customer.”

By the way it was a vegetarian cake—no eggs, since many Hindus don’t eat eggs. Picture a thin layer of cake at the top and bottom, with a thick layer of mousse or whipped cream or some such substance in the middle.

And Happy Diwali! It just ended, but Greetings of the Season nonetheless. Diwali (pronounced Dih-vah-lee) is the big Fireworks holiday. Kolkata does not have any of those strange bans of fireworks so prevalent in the US. And no “Safe and Sane” restriction either. Lots of Very Unsafe and Very Insane Fireworks. Great Fun. Emma and I stood out in the back of our apartment complex for a few hours watching people set off these marvels of Unsafe Explosions. Bottle Rockets ramming into the side of the building were not uncommon. One rocket in particular hit the side of the building, and ricocheted downward, landing about 3 feet from where Emma and I stood before exploding on the ground. Emma did not even flinch, making her Dad Very Proud.

At the Diwali Party in our apartment building, Clara and I won silver coins. It was the first time either one of us had won something at a Diwali Party. It is rumored to be Lucky to win a silver coin at Diwali, but I suspect this is one of those ex post prophecies—if you believe it is Lucky to win a coin, then to say winning a coin brings Luck is rather tautological. Then again, I don’t believe in Luck, so I am rather the cynic about such things.

There are two more Holidays this week. But, then there is a run of a few weeks with no Holidays. This Wednesday is also a Holiday at Emma, Lily and Clara’s School. It is the first Holiday their school has had since classes began in the second week of August. It seems that at Emma, Lily and Clara’s school, the Administrators see no need to close school for Indian Holidays since the Pupils are not Indian, nor do the Administrators see the need to close school for the American Holidays, since the Pupils aren’t in America. Emma, Lily and Clara seem to think this system is a trifle Unjust. So, the Administrators, out of sheer Kindness and Goodness, have decided to let them celebrate the end of Ramadan on Wednesday with a whole day of no School.

Other Notes:

1. Phelps was a good choice for the Nobel Prize in Economics. He is one of those guys who did enough to merit the Prize, but not so much that there was a big rush to award it to him. The Nobel Peace Prize is another odd Political Choice—microfinance is one of those great ideas but has had mixed-to-poor results in every independent study I have seen. How this sort of thing brings about *Peace* is beyond me.

2. I am very grateful for the Arizona Cardinals.

3. On October 31 [which oddly is Not a Holiday in India—I am not sure how they missed the opportunity to have another Holiday] I am giving an exam in my microeconomics course in the Retail Management program. I suspect it will be quite disastrous for a portion of the class. The students in this program seem to be all over the map in terms of intellect, aptitude for school, and desire to learn. On top of this, I am teaching economics and not management which presents an odd problem—some of the class has never had an economics class, others in the class have a masters degree in economics. I am expecting a tremendously large variance in scores.

4. They keep saying the monsoon season has ended, but then it keeps flooding again—for my recent exploits trudging home through knee deep water, you may reread any of the previous accounts of such journeys.

5. I hear that Mount Holyoke had a Teach-In Against the War. Sorry I missed it. Of course, it might have been nice if it had been a Teach-in About the War with people speaking on both sides of the issue; I understand that having speakers on both sides of an issue is the sort of thing they did at places which encouraged Thinking and Learning. I think they used to call such places “Colleges,” but such institutions became Extinct a Long Time Ago.

6. I was run into by a bicyclist today on the way home. He was traveling the wrong way on a one-way street. Janet had no Sympathy, but she did have a Moral: Look Both Ways Before Crossing a One Way Street in India.

7. Book Reports:
1. Amis, Time’s Arrow
A Failed Book. This is one of those books where the Author couldn’t decide whether to write a Comedy or a Social Statement. So, what could have been a very Amusing book ends up being a Tiresome Holocaust Story. The sad thing is that the premise of the book had such marvelous potential, which has now been destroyed. Does one applaud the author for having such an interesting idea or Scorn him for destroying it. If Leonardo had put a mustache on the Mona Lisa, would he deserve credit for painting a great work of art before the Mustache or scorn for destroying it?

2. Chattopadhyaya, Srikanta
Janet convinced me to read this book. It was the first modern Bengali novel, written in four parts spanning 1917 to 1933. The first two parts (1917 and 1918) were extremely good. Written around the time of Joyce, the book made an interesting comparison between East and West. The last two parts (1927 and 1933) were tedious, quite tedious. It’s too bad; the Novel had the potential to be Great.

3. Orwell, Animal Farm
Emma has to read this for School this week, so I though I would reread it. An inspired little tale. I suspect Emma will be Most Unhappy with the fate of Boxer.

4. Simon, California Suite
I think I saw the movie version of this decades ago, or maybe I just saw the commercials for the movie. My only memory of the movie is that it had Bill Cosby, Alan Alda and Tennis. I read the play. Dull. Very Dull.